Not what I expected

So my post today is quite late...I've been kind of keeping to myself today. It's been a rough one. Please keep in mind this is something I wasn't going to post about but after sitting here and thinking I decided I really needed to vent. It's also inevitable that people will find out.

So this weekend on Saturday morning I went in for a MRI of my brain. I have been having severe dizzy spells, mood changes, balance issues, hearing loss and taste loss and really bad headaches amongst a few other things and the docs weren't sure what was going on. So they ordered the MRI and a spinal tap. 

I went to go in for my spinal tap today and it was really awkward. The doctor who was supposed to do it asked me if I had gone over my MRI with my doctor and I had told him no. He then looks at me and says "I'll be right back, I don't think we need to do the LP (lumbar puncture) today. I'm going to call your doctor". So he comes back and says that he doesn't need to do it and I should call my doctor right away. At this point in losing my marbles like WTF is going on?!

Fast forward I call my doctor and he asks if I wanna come into his office or if he could talk to me over the phone. I cautiously said "phone is fine, go ahead and shoot". His next words were, "well after looking at your MRI Shannon we have discovered a brain tumor". UMMMMM WHAT?! I just kind of swallowed hard and the next 20 mins on the phone are pretty foggy. 

I looked at my mom and just started to bawl. WTF...I'm 26 years old and super healthy what does he mean I have a fucking brain tumor. This sucks. I don't know how to wrap my head around it. I don't know how I feel. I'm sad, angry, confused and really fucking scared. 

Well I opted out of radiation so they are just going to surgically remove it and see how it goes. I have to be on a harsh steroid regime for the next 2 weeks before surgery...I'm going to see if they can push it til after Christmas. I'm not so excited about getting a Rihanna haircut not by choice...but I guess it's what I have to do. 

Really makes you think tho at least it made me...people are so worried about petty shit. Hurting one another. Getting revenge. At the end of the day where does it get you? The harsh reality is tomorrow is never promised so don't waste today making someone's life hell. Worry about you and smile. 

Gahhhh it scares me that I may not be here for my little guy. I'm having a huge scary surgery. I'm gonna have a wicked scar. It may come back. It may still need radiation. Sooooo many feelings I have right now. I leave you with just be thankful for all that you have cuz EVERYTHING can change in a second. 

Wish me luck. This little guy needs his mommy. 

-Shannon

Soapbox Sunday

So here I sit on this rainy Sunday in my bathtub...contemplating writing a post. I have a lot on my mind as of late and if you read my post the other day I have some major health issues going on. Tomorrow morning bright and early I have to go to the hospital and get a spinal tap done. Yuck...so sitting here thinking about that made me want to go off on a tangent about other things. So here goes...

I'm sick and tired of people bitching and complaining about people talking about them and their lives when they put it all out there for the world to read. Calling people "creepers" and "stalkers" when you have a public page be it simply your blog, your Facebook, your Vine, your Twitter, Instagram WHATEVER it be just doesn't make sense. If you don't want people to talk put your shit private. So easy. You're also the same type of people who "hate fake people" and "hate drama" . Get off that high horse, we all love a little drama and we all pretend to be something we aren't at one time or another.

I have my Twitter private because it's just less drama that way, things can be misconstrued and start "Tweefs" as I call them (twitter beef). So I just keep it on lock. I have my Facebook private which I don't even know why because I barely use it. It's not very interesting. Mostly pictures of my kid and future step-kids and stellar deals I run at my work. I'm not the type to "put it all out there" on Facebook and Twitter. I've been known to angry tweet or "subtweet" but that's a thing of the past now. I also HATE those couples that are all mushy EVERY GOL'DANG DAY on social media. Get real...no one likes one another that much. If you are TRULY happy you don't need to put it out there for the world to see. Who are you validating that to? Yourself? Okay cool. Get a diary. 

People assume because my boyfriend and I don't post shit every day or whatever being all lovey that we are miserable. NOPE. Wrong...it's the exact opposite. I enjoy my time with him and our child(ren). I don't need to tell the world that every day. Just him. That's it. I'm not dating everyone else. 

Social networking is just that NETWORKING. I use my Facebook like I said solely for business and pics of the kids so distant family can keep up. My Twitter that is private I use for whatever else I want. My blog is for bitching and moaning and sitting on my damn soapbox. 

So I end here today with...if you put it all out there and people talk about you, don't play victim. Because you're not. You love and strive for the drama. You put it out there for a reason. Attention. So when you get that negative attention enjoy it, embrace it. It's what you wanted right? Don't run for the hills and cry wolf that you're being attacked and bullied. Scroll down that roller coaster of emotions timeline that draws attention and take a good long hard look in the mirror and make sure you point that dirty finger at yourself and smile. 

End of my soapbox for the evening. Enjoy these funny ecards! Haha!

-Shannon

:)

Sunday Love

Aghhhhh! I am SO happy this last week is over. It has been a long dragging one. I have had so many doctor appointments it's insane. I have another one on Thursday to hopefully get some solid answers or some more testing. I don't really want to get into detail but it's not good what's going on and I really hope they can find the cause because it's driving me bonkers.

There is so many things I have to look thankful for at the end of every week when I sit back and reflect on the week. Busy or not there is always something. 

My things for this week are as follows in no specific order of importance:

1. Modern Medicine: man, where would we be? I cannot believe how many different tests I have had to endure. Using things like contrast in someone brain, dilating pupils with just a tiny drop of liquid to see into their eyes. It just marvels me. 

2. My boyfriend: somedays I wanna curse the man and run the other way, as I am sure anyone with a significant other feels. Lol. In reality though, I wouldn't leave him. I can't. He's good to me. We fight but we make up. We learn new things about one another every day. We drive each other crazy but at the end of the day we goto bed happy with a kiss and an "I love you." It's something we mean as well.

3. My job: gosh, I honestly don't even feel like I've worked a day in my life. I LOVE what I do. I make extremely good money in small amounts of time. I make my own hours and I get to stay home with my son during the day. I'm so passionate about doing hair. I mess with my own hair constantly at home. I've been rocking the ombré look for about 6 months now and recently just lightened it up to a blondbré as I call it. Haha. 

Yup I did that. It's all my REAL hair too! Love it! 

4. My son: Nash has been such a blessing to me, Andrew and our families. He was so unexpected but I wouldn't have it any other way. He has better my life tremendously. Andrew and I went for date on Saturday and I couldn't even stand to be away from him so we went home early. We miss his boys so much too it just is heartbreaking. I'm not really sure how moms can be away from their kids and party every weekend and sometimes during the week and not feel guilty. It literally makes me ill. So I will just spend every waking minute I can with our boys. Children are the greatest thing to be blessed with. 

Ughhhh my little love...

So as the Thanksgiving holiday approaches make sure you reflect a little on the things you are truly thankful for. Make sure you also don't just think about them during the holiday season but all year round.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

-Shannon